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Twisty Windy Faith (Grace & Space - A Newsletter from the Deconstructing Mamas)

The journey of faith is a strange one.

I thought it would be a straight and definitive path to the known.

Do this and this and I will get this.

Know exactly what is right and what is wrong and just make sure I do what is right (and get everyone around me to do what’s right as well).

Surround myself with like-minded people and create a like-minded mission and work hard to accomplish said mission.

It’s simple.

Black and white.

I know where I’ve come from and where I’m headed for certain.

I can map out my moments, my days, my weeks and in the end, my whole life.

Ultimately, I have control of it all.

Who I’m with.

What I believe.

How I vote.

Where I land on every single solitary social, emotional, intellectual, financial, spiritual, how-to-be-a-good-Christian issue.

When to pray, eat, spend, fast, tithe, serve, worship.

I don’t have to worry.

I have everything tied up in a nice neat box that no one and nothing can touch.

I’m all good.

No need for curiosity.

Or learning.


Or growth.

Turns out my thinking was wrong.

I was wrong.

This journey of faith has ended up being a twisty-windy journey.

Filled with do this and this and get clobbered with something out of left field.

What felt right and certain and sure only a few weeks ago has no bearing on what’s actually happening inside my four walls and especially in the painful and grateful places of my heart.

My insatiable curiosity lands me in a place where I’m not sure I’m like-minded anymore and I have more questions than answers.

It’s complicated.


The past and the future feel daunting, and the present is the only space left.

There’s no perfectly-plotted map, only the next right step into what’s exhilarating and scary at the same time.

Lots of need for curiosity.

And learning.


And growth.

At times, I feel unmoored. Confused. Filled with doubt.

And at others, I feel centered. Mindful. Filled with wonder.

But to be honest, I mostly feel held and loved by God.

Whose NOT afraid for me.

Angry with me.

Annoyed at me.

Even if others might be and I am myself sometimes.

God is good.


And with me.

I hide in God, not in my carefully-crafted box.

I cling to Him*, not to my certainty.

I love Him, not the image of Him I’ve created.

This is not easy.

It’s definitely not “safe.”

But it’s good.

It’s very very good.

--Esther Joy Goetz *The use of the word "Him" is used out of tradition. It's very clear to us that God is not bound by any gender.*


Latest News: We are really excited about the next step we are taking to help you navigate your deconstruction journey. We've created a private and exclusive Deconstructing Mamas community on Facebook for those of you who want to move to the next level with us via our Patreon platform.

DIPPING YOUR TOES At this level, for as little as $3, you can ask questions, experience a safe and welcoming community with others who are deconstructing and receive special surprises along the way from Lizz and Esther.

You will also have access to our private Youtube podcast videos that are solely for Patreon supporters (coming soon). Head to this LINK to sign up!!


Resources (This Week: Podcasts) What If Project with Glenn Siepert The Bible for Normal People with Pete Enns and Jared Byas The Next Right Thing with Emily P. Freeman (*Esther's favorite/not necessarily deconstruction*) Evolving Faith For the Love with Jen Hatmaker We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle Holypost with Phil Vischer The New Evangelicals with Tim Whitaker


From the Podcast

Esther was away on vacation this past week and had to turn the "walk-in closet" into a "podcast office." Enjoy this little-bitty Instagram reel that took off all over the internet with over 14K views. It's worth the watch, just because you will laugh if nothing else. CLICK THE PIC.

Also, if you need to catch up and haven't listened to her podcast episode yet, CHECK IT OUT HERE: UNTIL IT DOESN'T - Esther Joy Goetz

In case you missed the bloopers, which is our absolutely favorite part of editing the podcast, check them out here for Season 1, Episode 2.


FOLLOW ESTHER on SOCIALS Facebook: Esther, the Dolly Mama Instagram: @estherthedollymama

Website: Soulful Sundays Newsletter: Sign Up Here Moms Newsletter: Sign Up Here


We want to again remind you that we are so glad you are here. We wouldn't be the same without you. You will always find GRACE for where you've been and who you are now, and SPACE for who you are becoming and will be.

Carry on, our new-found friends. Welcome to the twisty-windy, full -of-adventure faith path that's laid out before us all. Love,

Lizz & Esther P.S. Our song of the week for you: You Might Not Like Her, by Maddie Zahm (*it does have a curse word so don't panic*)

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