Rewriting "The Talk" (about Sex)
- Lizz & Esther / Deconstructing Mamas
- May 19
- 4 min read
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If you grew up in a house where sex was never talked about… or only talked about with a heavy dose of fear, shame, and “just wait,” you’re not alone.
For many of us raised in high-control religion, “the talk” wasn’t really a talk at all.
It was a warning.
A purity pledge.
A whispered conversation wrapped in guilt.
A door slammed shut before we even knew we had questions to ask.
And now? We’re the grown-ups. We’re raising kids in a world that’s noisy and complicated—and in desperate need of honest, embodied, and loving conversations about sex, desire, identity, boundaries, and safety.
Some of us are still untangling the knots in our own stories. Still trying to feel at home in our bodies. Still healing from the harm of silence or shame or spiritual manipulation.
And here we are, parenting.
Wanting to do it differently.
Hoping to hand our kids something better than what we received.
So we’re learning—sometimes awkwardly, sometimes late, often while healing ourselves—how to create something new.
We're beginning to see that teaching our kids about sex isn’t one moment, one talk, or one uncomfortable car ride.
It’s a lifelong series of conversations about:
What it means to have a body that’s good and worthy of care
What it means to feel desire and still be grounded in respect
How to honor your yes and your no—and listen when someone else says theirs
How to trust your gut, even when someone else questions it
What safety feels like in your own skin and in someone else's presence
How to recognize love that is mutual, kind, and never manipulative
We’re shifting the story from “just don’t” to “here’s how to honor yourself and others.”
We’re replacing silence with curiosity.
Fear with connection.
Shame with compassion.
Rigid rules with rooted wisdom.
We’re reminding ourselves that curiosity isn’t dangerous.
That questions aren’t rebellion—they’re relationship.
That our kids deserve more than a list of what not to do.
They deserve frameworks for understanding, language for navigating, and adults who are brave enough to say, “I didn’t get this right growing up, but I want to get closer to what’s true now.”
And we won’t do it perfectly. Of course we won’t.
But we can do it with presence.
With repair when we mess up. With openness when they ask something we’re not ready for.
With softness when we see ourselves in their stories.
We can become the kind of parent we once needed.
The kind of adult who can hold tender conversations about bodies and boundaries without flinching.
The kind of human who says, again and again, “You are good. Your body is good. And this conversation is always welcome here.”
-Esther Joy Goetz
Our Podcast This Week:
“There's a misconception that once you leave religion, you magically learn everything you missed about relationships and sex” - The Sexvangelicals Our episode this week is with Jeremiah Gibson and Julia Postema, sex and relationship therapists, coaching and podcast hosts specializing in recovery from high-control religion as it relates to relationships and sexual intimacy. Our conversation is full of candor, surprises and mic-drop moments over and over again. We were blown away by one thing that will leave you wanting more.
We chat through these questions:
1. Even after all these years many of us still tense at that word. How do we help foster curiosity around sexuality in our children as opposed to fear and shame?
2. How do we navigate the grief or trauma that can get activated for us as parents when talking about sexuality differently?
3. How do we lead our children through their questions when we are still working out our own thoughts and feelings on sexuality and sexual identity?
4. Are there tangible ways that we can heal our own wounds around sex while navigating all this with our own kids?
5. What do we do when we disagree with our kids’ choices around sex? How can we support their journey without shame?
6. How important is maintaining our own sex life in the midst of parenting? How can we do this when it feels like the last thing on the list?
Get ready to have your heart and mind and hopefully body open to new possibilities when it comes to healthy sex. There was one big surprising idea where we can all start no matter where we are in our relationship with this tricky and important subject.
If you have these questions... How do we rebuild healthy, pleasurable, intimate relationships?
How do we give ourselves permission to be sexual people? This is the podcast episode for you!!
You can find the Jeremiah and Julia, the Sexvangelicals here:
Website: www.sexvangelicals.com
Instagram: @sexvangelicals
Facebook: Sexvangelicals
Podcast: Sexvangelicals
Substack: substack.com/@sexvangelicals
Resource Alerts:
Sexvangelicals is a podcast, educational platform, and community building project created by Julia Postema and Jeremiah Gibson. We are both sex and couples therapists in the Boston area.
We both grew up in religious communities. While these contexts provided us with meaningful values of compassion and kindness, they did not prepare us for accessing sexuality and intimacy.
What transpired was a beautiful process of unlearning shameful and fear-based messages about sexuality, relearning new and relational sexual patterns, and healing from the ways that our Christian communities got it wrong.
One last thing. We want to remind you that we are so glad you are here. We wouldn't be the same without you. You will always find GRACE for where you've been and who you are now, and SPACE for who you are becoming and will be.
Carry on, our new-found friends. Welcome to the twisty-windy, full -of-adventure faith path that's laid out before us all.
Love,
Lizz & Esther
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