Learning to Trust What We Feel
- Lizz & Esther / Deconstructing Mamas
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
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One of the quiet casualties of high-control religion is emotional honesty. Many of us were taught—explicitly or implicitly—that emotions could not be trusted. Anger was sinful. Sadness was weakness. Fear was a lack of faith. Even joy had to be “holy,” measured, and expressed in ways that didn’t make anyone uncomfortable.
So, we learned to edit ourselves. To smile when we were breaking. To pray when we needed to scream. To spiritualize what was really grief.And without realizing it, we carried that emotional template into our parenting.
We tell our kids to “use their words” but sometimes flinch when they actually do.We say “feel your feelings” but subtly reward them when those feelings are tidy and manageable.We might still believe, deep down, that some emotions are good and others are dangerous.
But here’s the truth: all emotions are appropriate when they are honest and expressed safely.Anger, sadness, fear, disgust, shame, delight—they all belong. They are signals, not sins. They help us understand what’s happening inside of us and what we need to restore balance, safety, or connection.
When we begin to re-parent ourselves emotionally, we start giving our kids a new kind of inheritance—one rooted not in suppression, but in presence.
When your child rages, your job isn’t to fix it or shut it down, but to stay near enough for them to find their way back to calm.When they cry, you don’t need to rush in with logic or solutions. Sometimes the most healing words are, “That must really hurt.”And when they show fear or anxiety, we don’t need to quote a verse or deny the feeling. We can say, “That’s scary, isn’t it? I get scared too.”
That’s how emotional literacy grows—in both of you.
Learning to have appropriate emotions doesn’t mean keeping them “polite” or “positive.” It means learning to express them without harm—to ourselves or others. It means allowing the full spectrum of human feeling, while also developing the skills to regulate, repair, and reconnect afterward.
That’s the work of spiritual maturity. That’s the work of gentle parenting.And it’s also the work of reclaiming the image of a God who feels deeply.
If we were taught a version of God who was always in control, never emotional, and quick to punish—no wonder we feel conflicted about our own anger, grief, and passion. But the sacred stories show a God who weeps, rejoices, burns with justice, and sings over creation.Maybe our emotions aren’t evidence of our brokenness, but of our belonging.
As we unlearn emotional suppression and embrace appropriate expression, we make space for something holy to emerge: authentic relationship—with ourselves, with our children, and with the divine presence that feels with us.
THIS WEEK ON THE PODCAST
In this vulnerable and deeply human conversation, Esther and Lizz open up about the long, complicated process of learning to trust their emotions — after being raised in systems that taught them not to.
They talk about what it means to rebuild emotional safety after high-control religion, where feelings were often dismissed as sinful, deceptive, or dangerous. Together, they explore how learning to honor their emotions has transformed their faith, relationships, and parenting.
This episode is both tender and raw — an honest look at the messy, holy work of coming home to yourself.
Key Themes & Takeaways
Emotions Aren’t Enemies, They’re Messengers After years of hearing “faith over feeling,” both hosts are reclaiming their emotions as sacred — not something to suppress, but something to listen to.
Righteous Anger as a Force for Good Liz shares how anger has become a holy motivator for change — a muscle she’s still learning to use wisely and courageously.
Safety, Authenticity & the Nervous System They discuss the toll of living in constant spiritual and emotional high alert — and what happens when the body finally realizes it was never truly safe.
From Faking It to Feeling It Liz’s story of exhaustion from “faking it” in faith spaces resonates with so many listeners who’ve masked their true selves to belong.
Learning to Feel Safe With Ourselves Esther shares how her own healing journey has brought her to a surprising place: genuine safety in her own presence — no longer fearing the God who was always “watching,” but resting in love itself.
Reclaiming the “Too Much” Self Together they celebrate the parts of themselves once labeled “too emotional,” “too intense,” or “too much.” As Esther says, “I’m not someone to hide — I’m someone to honor.”
Why This Episode Matters
If you were ever told your emotions were untrustworthy, that your heart was deceitful, or that safety could only be found outside yourself — this episode will meet you right where you are.
Esther and Liz remind us that feelings are not flaws. They are sacred signals that lead us toward wholeness, self-trust, and the kind of peace that can’t be forced.
One last thing. We want to remind you that we are so glad you are here. We wouldn't be the same without you. You will always find GRACE for where you've been and who you are now, and SPACE for who you are becoming and will be.
Carry on, our new-found friends. Welcome to the twisty-windy, full -of-adventure faith path that's laid out before us all.
Love,
Lizz & Esther
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