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Nice Churchy Patriarchy

Welcome to Grace and Space, a weekly newsletter from the Deconstructing Mamas Podcast! GRACE for who you have been, are now and SPACE for who you are becoming and will be!

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Patriarchy affects all of us, shaping our lives in ways that may feel subtle but ultimately hold us back from our full potential and truest relationships.


It’s easy to think of patriarchy as something that limits only women, but we’ve come to see how it impacts men and women alike, creating pressures and pain that ripple through communities, families, friendships, and faith.

For women, the constraints are often clear. Many of us know the frustration and exhaustion that come from being expected to serve, support, and remain deferential—even when we have something valuable to say or skills that could lead a project or a community forward. The subtle signals that our voices aren’t quite as trusted or our leadership doesn’t belong “here” create self-doubt, holding us back from fully showing up.


We see it around us too, in the quiet ways that many women downplay their abilities, ideas, and even their dreams. It’s like a weight we’re taught to carry from an early age, and it doesn’t just go away because we wish it would.


What’s become just as clear, though, is how patriarchy limits men. The men in our lives—friends, family members, mentors—often feel a relentless pressure to have it all together, to be competent, successful, and self-sufficient, and to avoid showing vulnerability or uncertainty.


Patriarchy tells them they need to be “the strong one,” the provider, and the authority, which can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and sometimes anger when they’re unable to fit perfectly into that mold. It doesn’t give them much room to be fully human. We’ve seen men we care about struggle with expectations that keep them from opening up, sharing their worries or fears, and seeking the support they need.


In our communities, we notice how these pressures to conform to gendered roles damage our ability to really connect. When we’re boxed in by roles and power dynamics, we miss out on the full breadth of each other’s strengths, ideas, and perspectives. Many of us have been in spaces where women’s contributions are sidelined or dismissed, and we see how that stifles creativity and growth. When leadership or expertise is narrowly defined by gender, we create a hierarchy that makes genuine, balanced relationships more difficult.


It’s exhausting for everyone, creating barriers to trust, mutual respect, and authentic connection. We miss the chance to build something beautiful and lasting when so many of us are holding back.


Rejecting patriarchy is about more than women’s equality; it’s about making space for everyone to be fully themselves. When we step away from limiting roles and create spaces where each of us is valued equally, we open the door to deeper relationships and a richer, more supportive way of being together. In these spaces, men and women alike can take risks, explore their gifts, and feel safe to express themselves fully.


We can all breathe a little easier, knowing we are free to be who we are, without the pressure to fit someone else’s idea of what we should be. In that freedom, we find a way forward that truly benefits us all.


 

This Week on the Podcast:

"Our fight is not against men but against the systems of imbalanced power that keep women and nonbinary people from flourishing in the fullness of our gifts and offering this world the best we have to offer.” Liz Cooledge Jenkins 

Our episode this week is with Liz Cooledge Jenkins, preacher, writer and author of the book, Nice Churchy Patriarchy. Liz has a gentleness, yet brilliance about her and this conversation couldn't have been more enlightening and engaging.

Some of the topics we explore are these:

  • The definition of the Patriarchy and some insidious ways it has harmed both women, men and non-binary people.

  • The different faces of misogyny.

  • The systems of imbalanced power.

  • Should we have a matriarchy?

  • Supporting our kids in new belief systems while we are still wading through the toxic beliefs of our childhoods.

Our favorite words from this podcast episode were swinging, rapper, imbalance, Stratego, flourishing and insidious. Find out why when you listen.

You can find Liz at the following:

 

 

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Resource Alerts:


Even in the warmest and most welcoming evangelical churches, patriarchy looms as an ever-present force, suppressing women’s possibilities and debilitating whole communities. Well-intentioned churchgoers and church leaders have bought into deeply-entrenched male-dominated mindsets, power structures, and theologies that are not working—not for women, and really not for anyone.

Part memoir and part faith-based feminist manifesto, Nice Churchy Patriarchy takes an unflinching look at the ways misogyny's subtler forms impact every aspect of women’s experiences in church. From leading a church college ministry, to attending seminary, to eventually developing the confidence to preach, Liz Cooledge Jenkins weaves together her own journey with reflections on biblical interpretation, church history, and intersectional feminism.

After confronting misogyny’s faces head-on, Liz goes on to explore how we can build better faith communities together. For all who long to see women's gifts greeted in churches with gratitude rather than a suspicious side eye, Nice Churchy Patriarchy points the way.


 

Can't wait until Tuesday and need just a little snippet from our podcast episode that's coming up on November 12, with Liz Cooledge Jenkins.


 

One last thing. We want to remind you that we are so glad you are here. We wouldn't be the same without you. You will always find GRACE for where you've been and who you are now, and SPACE for who you are becoming and will be.


Carry on, our new-found friends. Welcome to the twisty-windy, full -of-adventure faith path that's laid out before us all. Love,

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