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Reclaiming Internal Authority

Welcome to Grace and Space, a weekly newsletter from the Deconstructing Mamas Podcast! GRACE for who you have been, are now and SPACE for who you are becoming and will be!

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What if we stopped looking everywhere else for approval?


Our parents.

The people at the bus stop.

Society’s impossible standards.

That exclusive club we are in.

Our kids.

Even God.

What if we stopped believing that some person, some system, some community, some who-knows-what was going to somehow reach down into the recesses of our soul and tell us that “all is well” and “you are okay?”

What might happen?

I spent so much of my life giving authority to everything outside of me.

[Would my husband be happy with me if I gained a few pounds?]

[Would my parents approve if I didn’t follow in their footsteps?]

[Would my friends stick around if I left our church and gave myself space to ask really hard questions about my faith?]

I ached each time I felt the smallest twinges of disapproval, working harder and harder to stay the course, fit the mold, dowhatever I had to do for that twinge to quiet down and my soul to rest.


What was inside of me, the space where I believe God dwells and speaks and heals, prodded, “You get to do you. You get to be you.”

“What happened?” I’m glad you asked.

I found out my husband loved me no matter what (and I’ve definitely gained a few pounds) and I didn’t need his approval after all.

I discovered a completely unique path penning words on a page and companioning souls on their spiritual journeys. And it makes my heart sing with gratitude and joy.

I uncovered some sad things too. Some folks stick by you no matter what you believe, what path you embark on or where you half-land in the process, and others do not. I guess that is both happy and sad.

But what happened inside of me mattered the most.

I UNCOVERED parts of me that had been hidden under blankets of years and fears and tears. I am not an extrovert (which I was told by others all of my life), but more of an ambivert, needing connection with people, but craving space alone to reconnect with myself.

I DISCOVERED parts of me that had been lost in all the noise of the external. Do this. Be this. Say this. Believe this. Make us happy with you! My favorite discovery so far is that I don’t like background noise when I’m home doing homey things. I like complete quiet. No music. No podcasts. No streaming. Who knew?

I RECOVERED parts of me that had been wounded. I let them come out and have their say. I stopped stuffing them down or brushing them aside to make everyone else comfortable. I worked hard to repair my broken relationship with myself. 

Insecurity? Abandonment? Shame? Unwarranted guilt?

They have the right to be paid close attention to and acted tenderly with until they are healed.

Am I done? Have I arrived?

Not on your life (to coin a phrase from my mom)!

I might be just at the beginning, near the middle or right around the corner from the finish line. But I’m further than I used to be and looking forward to what’s to come.

Hopefully becoming more and more me. (Our Own Esther Joy Goetz)


This Week on the Podcast: We tend to look for answers outside ourselves. From books. Church. From friends or family. Even from society. We are called deeper, to sink down inside ourselves, where what we need is intertwined with what the Divine has to offer us. The place where we can trust and rest and then go and do. (Esther Goetz)

Our guest this week is our very own Esther Goetz. Esther is a deconstructing mama of four, an author and spiritual director, dedicated to helping you take your next step in the growth of your soul.

On this episode, we explore the very important idea of reclaiming our internal authority that was taken away from us by high-control religion, culture and even family systems. We chat in depth about these ideas:

  • The value of spiritual direction, what it is not and what it is.

  • The difficulty of moving from external authority to internal authority. Some of the messages we’ve received in high-control religion.

  • The importance of embarking on this journey to discover ourselves and take up the mantle of making decisions from a place of internal authority.

  • Some practical tools for reclaiming our own internal authority.

  • Taking the practices of spiritual direction and applying them to our parenting.

  • Resources that Esther has for those who find themself parenting and in this ever-evolving faith journey.

Our favorite words from this podcast episode were things like "companionship" and "connection" and "divine spark" and "holy listening" and "midwifery." Find out why when you listen.

LASTLY, we have a HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT at the end of the podcast about a resource that's coming up in the summer! WE ARE SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!

You can find Esther at the following:

Website: Spiritual Direction: Heard and Held

Spiritual/Author Spaces:

Moms of Big Kids: Facebook: Moms of Bigs

Instagram: @momsofbigs



Latest News:

Join our private PATREON group. For as little as $3/month, you will get lots of extras from Lizz and Esther, including deeper discussions about topics on the podcast, first dibs on knowing about future exciting projects and perhaps some special deals exclusive to those projects and our NEW QUARTERLY ZOOM DISCUSSION GROUP where we dive lots deeper into the things we need to sort out with parenting and deconstructing.

We love our podcast!

We love our guests!

We love our amazing assistant, Julie!

We love helping you walk the tricky tightrope of parenting and deconstructing at the same time!

We do NOT love asking for help (or money) in order to keep it going!

But we also don't love feeling alone in this!

Head to this LINK to join us! You won't regret it! And plus, the reality is that you will help us keep the lights on over here at Deconstructing Mamas. We really really want to! Thank you in advance!


Resource Alert:

If you need room for your soul to breathe just a little bit deeper and freer, these daily reflections are for you.


A life-long yearning for all things spiritual and also Esther's venture into a more curious faith journey filled with all that makes each one of us a combination of dirt and divinity, humanity and holiness, gave Esther the passion to create Wit, Wisdom and Whimsy, holistic and platitude-free daily meditations.


This is the third in a series of four, based on the seasons of the calendar: winter, spring, summer and autumn. This three month daily journey through June, July and August will be just what you need to move away from the rhythm of the active and blooming time of spring into the more settled and restful time of summer.

June begins with a "Letter From Love," holds space for the nuances of the spiritual life and ends with the idea that one simple act of love can heal the world. July dives into themes of fun and freedom, fear and faith, "fighting for" and friendship. August rounds out the summer with meditations about kingdom-living, kindness and the kaleiscope of what it means to be a spiritual human being. There are two options for purchase:


Welcome to my sanctuary of self-discovery and spiritual guidance. At Heard & Held, I believe in the transformative power of spiritual direction—a sacred journey that invites individuals to explore their inner landscapes, deepen their connection with the divine, and

cultivate a more meaningful and purposeful life.

I am committed to being a compassionate companion on your spiritual quest, offering a supportive and non-judgmental space for reflection, contemplation, and exploration.Whether you're seeking clarity in times of uncertainty, navigating life transitions, or simply desiring a deeper connection with your spirituality, I am dedicated to walk alongside you.

Embrace the opportunity to delve into the depths of your soul. Together, we will embark on a journey of self-discovery, nurturing the sacred within and fostering spiritual growth. 

At Heard & Held, I honor the unique path of each individual, recognizing that spirituality is a personal and evolving experience. My mission is to empower you to discover your own truths, find solace in the sacred, and live a life aligned with your deepest values. 

Take the first step towards spiritual transformation. Explore the possibilities that spiritual direction offers and set out on a journey of self-discovery and enlightenment with me.Your sacred path awaits. BOOK A FREE 15-Minute Consult with me HERE!


Can't wait until Tuesday and need just a little snippet from our podcast episode that's coming up on May 21, with Esther Joy Goetz.


One last thing. We want to remind you that we are so glad you are here. We wouldn't be the same without you. You will always find GRACE for where you've been and who you are now, and SPACE for who you are becoming and will be.

Carry on, our new-found friends. Welcome to the twisty-windy, full -of-adventure faith path that's laid out before us all. Love,

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