The Cost of High-Control Religion
- Lizz & Esther / Deconstructing Mamas
- Sep 22
- 3 min read
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Hey Friends,
If you’ve ever stepped away from high-control religion, you know there’s a cost. Sometimes it’s obvious—the loss of community, relationships, or even belonging in your own family.
Other times, it’s invisible—the quiet grief of realizing the certainty you once clung to has slipped away, leaving you feeling untethered.
This week on the podcast, we’re digging into that cost—naming the wounds, telling the truth about what we’ve carried, and asking what healing really looks like.
We’re joined by the hilarious and heartbreakingly honest Mary Katherine Backstrom, bestselling author and viral social media sensation.
Mary Katherine grew up the quintessential youth group kid—Bible drills, mission trips, Sunday school answers on speed dial. She was “driving happily down the straight and narrow,” until one day her young son asked: “Will my Jewish best friend go to hell?” That question cracked open everything.
What followed was a season she calls her “heresy era”—a mix of doubt, grief, public honesty, and raw storytelling on social media. Her book shares that wild, messy ride: when faith crashes, burns, and somehow—through grace, therapy, and humor—reshapes into something more expansive and real.
Here’s what we’ll be talking about:
What it costs us to leave high-control religion—both the visible and invisible toll.
How humor can become a lifeline in the middle of unraveling.
The grief of letting go of certainty and the surprise of finding healing in unexpected places.
Parenting after deconstruction: what changes when your kids start asking the questions you were once too afraid to ask.
How to break cycles of fear and control so our kids can grow up with freedom, curiosity, and belonging.
If you’ve ever felt the ache of losing what once held you—or wondered if the pain is worth it—you are not alone. This conversation is raw, real, and, yes, laugh-out-loud funny.
You can find MK Backstrom at the following: Instagram: @marykatherine_author Facebook: MK Backstrom
Substack Newsletter: MK's Substack
RESOURCE ALERT:
From the bestselling author of Holy Hot Mess, a laugh-out-loud look at what happens when life goes a direction we didn't expect and we are forced to reconsider the beliefs, assumptions, and stories that have always steered our course.
Mary Katherine Backstrom grew up the most basic of all youth group kids—pH level 14—and her faith only grew as she led youth ministry, served as a missionary, and went on to become a bestselling Christian author. She knew all the practiced, perfect Sunday school answers and was driving happily down the straight and narrow, until one day her young son asked a simple question: will my Jewish best friend go to hell?
In the months and years that followed, that single question continued to snowball. MK challenged and reconsidered every part of the faith she’d been raised to accept so completely. Not That Wheel, Jesus! is Mary Katherine’s hilarious journey from certainty to doubt to going nuclear on the socials (“it was my heresy era”), and then of slowly and painfully finding her way back to a different, less defined faith.
It’s the heartfelt and achingly honest story of a spirituality that went off the road and crashed and burned in spectacular fashion, right before God and everybody. And then, slowly, through grace and plenty of therapy, grew richer and deeper than she ever could have imagined.
One last thing. We want to remind you that we are so glad you are here. We wouldn't be the same without you. You will always find GRACE for where you've been and who you are now, and SPACE for who you are becoming and will be.
Carry on, our new-found friends. Welcome to the twisty-windy, full -of-adventure faith path that's laid out before us all.
Love,
Lizz & Esther
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