The Sacred Shift: Parenting Beyond Fear
- Lizz & Esther / Deconstructing Mamas
- Sep 29
- 3 min read
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For so many of us raised in high-control religion, fear was the air we breathed.
Fear of hell.
Fear of disobedience. Fear of being “out of God’s will.”
Fear of being left behind when the rapture came.
Fear of not belonging — of being cast out, cut off, or deemed unworthy.
It wasn’t just part of the message — it was the message.
And even if we’ve walked away from those systems, the residue of that fear often lingers — especially in how we parent.
We want our kids to make the “right” choices.
We want them to be safe.
We want them to belong.
And deep down, we’re terrified they’ll suffer consequences we were taught were inevitable if they strayed too far.
So fear takes the wheel.
It whispers that our children’s worthiness depends on their obedience. It urges us to control instead of trust. It convinces us that love must be conditional — that our approval must be earned.
But here’s the truth we’re slowly learning: fear always pushes, but love leads.
Fear shoves us into urgency, into control, into policing behavior. It keeps us stuck in cycles of shame and anxiety, repeating the same scripts that once kept us in line.
Love, though — love leads with open hands.
It invites instead of demands.
It trusts instead of maniuplates.
It says, “You are worthy just as you are — not because of what you believe, or how you behave, but because you exist.”
When we parent from love instead of fear, we give our kids the gift we were never given: the freedom to explore, to question, to wander — and still know they are safe and beloved.
If any of this feels familiar and you want to explore what it's like to parent from love instead of fear, our episode that's dropping tomorrow is for you.
🎙️ New on the Podcast
In this week’s episode, we dive straight into the heart of fear-based parenting — where it comes from, how it still shows up, and how we begin to choose something different. We ask ourselves the questions we wish someone had asked us years ago:
What were we taught — explicitly or implicitly — about what made someone a “godly” or “good” parent?
How did those teachings shape how we viewed our kids — and how responsible we felt for their behavior, beliefs, or choices?
Can we name a moment when fear was running the show — and how we see that moment differently now?
What helped loosen fear’s grip? Was it a single turning point or a slow, patient unraveling?
What does it look like, in this season, to choose connection over control?
What fear still lingers — and how do we hold it with compassion now?
And if we could write a permission slip to our past selves, what would it say about parenting with love instead of fear?
We talk about the messages that shaped us — hell, rapture, sin, “God’s will,” belonging — and how they continue to whisper in the background of our parenting. And we explore what it means to parent our kids with radical trust and unconditional love, even when the old scripts want to pull us back into fear.
👇 Here’s what you’ll find inside 👇
Real stories of moments when fear tried to take over — and what choosing love looked like instead.
Honest reflections on untangling our worth (and our kids’ worth) from their behavior.
Practical ways to pause, breathe, and lead with love when control feels easier.
Permission to rewrite the story — for ourselves and for the generations coming after us.
One last thing. We want to remind you that we are so glad you are here. We wouldn't be the same without you. You will always find GRACE for where you've been and who you are now, and SPACE for who you are becoming and will be.
Carry on, our new-found friends. Welcome to the twisty-windy, full -of-adventure faith path that's laid out before us all.
Love,
Lizz & Esther
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